Twenty-fourteen & Me

The purpose of this blog has always been to help me develop my voice as a writer. This is a place to peck out fragments of ideas. Ideas that I would develop elsewhere. Sometimes I have a lot to say and sometimes I say very little. But what I have learned most recently is my voice does matter and no attempts by my self or others to silence that voice will succeed. Writing has always been part of my life because for as long as I can remember no one seemed to want to hear what I had to say.  I have found that to be true in many areas of my life.
I once called someone friend for many years. She called me friend, too. But I spoke the truth one day and she cut me out of her life. Just like that she killed me off like a character in a book. But,I am still here and so is my voice. I am the person who will say what needs to be said. Friend or foe, from me you will get the truth.
I recall the story of Dr. Maya Angelou not speaking for a period years when she was a child. She thought her worlds could kill. She was afraid of her voice and the power it possessed. How could she have known how right she was?
 Her words could kill but not how she thought. Her words had the power to kill ignorance, pain, confusion and hate. She was such a powerful woman. So powerful that world leaders, mostly men, knew to be silent and listen to what feelings her heart needed to communicate. She spoke a truth so eloquent in it’s simplicity that it appeared genius. Now that she is physically gone, her words have new meaning and now that 2014 is nearly gone my life has new meaning.
No, I do not believe I am Dr. Angelou. 
I am ME… and ME is ready to be.
I have periodically written about heading in a different direction, feeling shifts in my life and embracing those changes. The year 2014 for me will be remembered as the year of rumblings. I kept trying to find ways of shaking things up. But I was really just trying to shake things into place. I know that now. 
I wanted to move first to a different apartment, then to a different state. Don’t forget, the desire to live in a different country (guess which one)is ever-present. 
Then finally, last week, an opportunity came my way. It looked a bit different and it was coming from someone I could trust. However, upon closer inspection, it is more of the same. It is another opportunity for me to step in line. No, thank you.
I am feeling a bit of what I felt nearly thirteen tears ago when I made the great and sudden move to L.A. 
I am feeling desperate.
But this time I am also feeling sure.
Sure that I will, as always, land on my feet.

Dr Angelou (photo credit unknown)


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