I’m not a front and center person. I enjoy the view from the back of the room.

My struggle lately is one of direction.
So what else is new?
Which way should I go? Am I going the right way? Should I be here? Should I go there?
Maybe its because I’m a Cancer. Like a crab, I always move away from the thing I want.
I move sideways.
The hardest thing for me is forward motion. My peripheral vision is my forward vision. The thing I most want can be directly in front of me and I won’t see it.
I keep moving sideways and in a circle until my heart’s desire comes into my line of vision.
But what about when my path is impeded by others? What about when I feel myself being led in a direction I do not want to go.
I am feeling that way now.
I am exhausted from moving at a pace that is unnatural to me, moving in a direction that puzzles me, listening to the words of those determined to get from me that which suits their purpose.
I’ve walked this road before.
This isn’t the first time I was told to dig in, do what I do so well and become a ROCKSTAR.
This is where I am supposed to jump at
the opportunity before me and prove myself not only equal to but better than the task. I should want to be someone else’s definition of ROCKSTAR.
But I am no longer that person.
I no longer want to prove myself. Not at the cost of my mental and physical health. If I conform again, then I’d better be prepared for what will surely follow…getting my butt kicked (hard) and asking why.
I will not step in line and follow the path laid out for me by those I can not trust.
I’ve been busy preparing for my next act; act three, I think.
I will be ready when the curtain goes up and this time….
I will be front and center.

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