How sweet it is

After having lived much of my life in a state of crisis, I am having a mid-life crisis. Either that or I’ve just finally come to my senses.  Yeah, it’s the latter because I really am a sensible girl.

No matter how much sense it might make to do things the traditional way, the truth is that is not for everyone. There comes a time when it becomes necessary to step out on faith and go after the dream.

Big or small, the dream will not be denied. To deny one’s self the experience of living one’s passion is to waste a gift and forfeit the possibility of being part of something grander, something that resonates.

The past couple of years have been an exercise in futility…quite literally, hell. The question became “how much bullshit can I possibly put up with?”

And you know what I mean. Don’t pretend that you don’t.

I was getting out of bed every morning and going to my job at a major company. I was accomplished and I was seasoned. I was also unmotivated and unappreciated. I was doing the work of three managers and getting nary a glance from my direct supervisor. My successes were no longer big enough and my short falls were viewed as  glaring examples of my sudden unfitness for my position.

The acquisition of my company in recent years by a mega-corporation meant the chess board was being shook up. I watched the moves being played on others and I knew a move was being played on me. I’d been down this road before but this time it was different. This time I was the middle manager who was caught flat-footed. I was so caught because I no longer wanted to be there. Or anywhere, for that matter. I had reached that sign post that I’d passed many times before.The one that had warned me over and over these past fifteen years that I was on the wrong path.

I have known this for the longest time but making a good living is a big deal and the last thing I wanted to do was upset the apple cart. It seems funny, now that I look back, that professionally, every success I tasted was unsweet because it was served with a poison chaser.

So upset the apple cart I did and I hit the brakes on what was a long career and submitted my resignation.  I’d had enough and enough was too much. And guess what?

My feet feel firm and steady beneath me.

I am finally moving in the right direction and I am unafraid.